


Until Next Time

by Kage_no_Arimasu



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: F/F, definitely not my best but!, gods i forgot how hard angst is, not terrible?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:27:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25675819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kage_no_Arimasu/pseuds/Kage_no_Arimasu
Summary: Natalie lost Renee in an experiment malfunction and is trying to come to terms with the loss. So, she meets up with someone who she hopes will be able to help.
Relationships: Wattson | Natalie Paquette/Wraith | Renee Blasey
Kudos: 20





	Until Next Time

**Author's Note:**

> Hi again! You can thank @crabornara on Twitter for this bit of angst! They unwillingly challenged us writers for Natalie losing Renee and i definitely wanted a piece of that dare lmao

Natalie had her head down as she walked down the path between two mountains of Kings Canyon, having just passed by Cage. Currently, she was on her way towards the Singh Labs. Even from where she was currently, it was impossible not to see the tall portal that aimed towards the heavens. Even just seeing the spiraling blue portal was enough to have tears pricking behind Natalies’s eyes, but she somehow managed to blink them back. Now wasnt the time to be crying. With any luck, she would finally be able to get some closure.

Nat knew the other Legends were worried about her, but this was something she wanted to do on her own. It had been only a week since she lost Renee. Natalie knew it was her fault. Her recklessness had caused Renee her life. 

This time, Natalie wasnt able to hold back the wave emotions that hit, remembering that night. Tears streamed down her cheeks, nearly silently, only broken by her muffled sobs as she bit at her jacket sleeve in an attempt to get herself under control again. _Ressaisis-toi,_ she thought to herself, squeezing her eyes closed so tight that it hurt. It took a few moments of Natalie just standing there, under the shadows of the mountains around her, before she finally got her breathing under control once more. 

Once Natalie’s sobs quieted down to mere sniffles, her arm lowered once again, not bothering to wipe the tears that were still streaking down her face. At least she wasnt sobbing anymore. Taking in a shaky breath, the woman continued on her way, the large doors to the Labs soon coming into view. It was almost time anyways. 

Approaching the large doors, Natalie paused, simply staring at them for a moment. She had never liked this place. She had come here, once, when she was younger with her papa. She barely remembered the visit, forgotten about it entirely actually, until it resurfaced a few seasons ago. Renee (known only as Wraith at the time), had acted strangely to the large doors. Natalie had never known Renee to look anything other than cool and collected. Yet, once the labs were uncovered with its giant portal, Renee actually looked...scared. It had worried Natalie at the time, but she had offered to accompany the other inside. They hadnt even been dating yet, but Natalie had just wanted to be there for the other woman, and was more surprised when Renee had accepted her offer. 

Shaking her head a little to drag her thought out of the past, Natalie opened the large doors, simply standing before the stairs that lead downwards. Taking a deep breath in through her nose, she held it for a few moments, before sighing out the breath. Feeling more confident now, if only a little, the blonde made her way deeper into the Labs. She knew where she was going. Not to mention she was early, so she would probably be waiting for some time anyways. After getting past the second large set of doors, Natalie turned towards the right, making her way a bit deeper before turning off to the right again. Before her, was a rather beat up room, with a single monitor that was still lit up. 

Natalie approached the monitor slowly, now reaching up to wipe away the tear streaks from her face, before simply resting a hand on the monitor. 

“Give me strength  _ mon amour, _ ” she said softly under her breath, moving her finger a bit more to the right, lightly pressing the access key. Almost instantly, Renee’s soft voice filled the small room. Natalie closed her eyes, bracing her hands on both sides of the monitor, letting it hold her weight as she simply listened to the audio log. It felt like it was only just the other day that she was listening to this with Renee, giving the other space while she learned more about who she used to be for the first time. The other hadnt been one for physical contact, so it had surprised Natalie when she had actually turned towards her after the audio finished, tears in her eyes, and all but collapsed into her arms. 

It had broken Natalies heart to hear Renee’s sobs. So, she had gently lowered the both of them to the floor, singing an old lullaby that her papa used to sing to her when she was upset. It had done the trick, getting Renee to calm down, the two simply sitting there on the floor until the other had said she was ready to leave. Renee had thanked her then, in a soft voice, for being there for her and Natalie had only smiled at her. By the time they had both returned to the surface, Renee was seemingly back to her usual self, answering what questions from the other Legends that she could. 

Natalie let out a soft sigh, hearing the familiar sound of a portal opening behind her. Renee’s audio feed was just finishing, falling silent just as a clearer voice spoke instead. “Natalie?” 

“ _ Bonjour _ Voidwalker,” Natalie replied back, managing a small smile as she turned away from the monitor to face the visitor. Before her, stood the ‘ghost’ that she saw all those years ago. Later, she had learned from Renee that this ‘ghost’ was no ghost at all but another version of herself. A version that preferred to travel between the dimensions and do what she can to find more about herself, no matter the cost. The very version of herself that had saved Renee when she was too scared to save herself. 

The Voidwalker reached up, unclasping her helmet so that the entire piece lifted off of her head with a soft  _ hiss _ , showing a face that resembled Natalies Renee almost perfectly. The main difference being that the Voidwalker had opted to keep her hair short, rather than grow out. “What are you doing here?” 

Natalie couldnt say anything for a moment, simply taking in the others face that resembled her lost loves almost perfectly. For a few moments, she couldnt so much as speak, lightly biting down on her lower lip. Only when the Voidwalker took a step towards her, that she shook her head a bit. “I… Renee told me about your visits. She wanted me to meet you, as in actually meet you, and so told me when you’d be here,” she said softly, her gaze unable to meet the others light blue gaze, instead looking at the wall behind the other woman. 

Voidwalker frowned a little, not exactly liking that her other self had shared any sort of information about them, but didnt comment on that face. Instead, she asked a question. “Whats going on Natalie?” Her gaze narrowing slightly, having found it suspicious that the other Wraith hadnt shown herself yet. 

Natalie’s smile wavered at the question, her gaze lowering to the floor as she scuffed her boot against the old stone. “I just… wanted to see you again… I know you’re not  _ my _ Renee but…” she said softly, her voice trailing off as she could feel the tears prickling behind her eyes once more. Her gaze finally moved upwards towards the Voidwalkers, seeing the others shocked expression. “You dont know...do you…?” She asked softly, not completely sure how Renee’s voices really worked, but it made sense that not every version of herself would know everything about the rest. 

Voidwalker didnt say anything for a few moments, seemingly observing, before letting out a soft, “she’s dead...isnt she?” 

Natalie couldnt hold it back anymore, her tears pooling in her eyes, silently tracking down her cheeks once more as she nodded. “Y-yes… It was all my fault!” She yelled out, balling her hands into fists, head down. “It’s all my fault she’s gone,” she repeated, softer this time. 

Voidwalker hesitated, unsure as to what she should do. “Natalie,” she said in a soft tone, finally stepping closer towards the other. When the other didnt answer, did she bend down to place her helmet on the ground, standing only to gently cup the other womans face, tilting it up towards her. “Tell me what happened. Please,” she asked softly. 

Natalie sniffled, not having the strength to fight the others soft touch as her chin was tilted upwards, meeting soft blue eyes. “It was an accident,” she said softly, closing her eyes once more. She couldnt handle seeing a near mirror image of her Renee right now. “I was working on a new project. You would think i would have learned my lesson about wearing protective equipment…” she said softly, silently reaching over her stomach to grab her prosthetic arm self consciously. “Im...not sure what happened. Something went wrong, but in that same instant Renee pushed me away. She...took the blow for me,” Natalie said softly. A faint shiver went down her spine, remembering the feel of electricity as it went haywire. It was like when she had gotten her Lichtenberg scar all over again. “Ajay did everything she could to bring her back but…” Natalie trailed off again, the thickness in her throat making it hard to breath, let alone talk. “But, it was too late.”

Voidwalker let out a slow sigh, finally releasing Natalie’s chin, taking a step away from the other woman. The blonde seemed like she was on the verge of a mental breakdown, tightly hugging her midsection, her gaze back at the ground. “Hey…” she said softly, taking another step towards her. Honestly, she had no idea what to do in this situation. So, she simply wrapped the other in her arms. Almost instantly, Natalie broke down fully, wailing and throwing her arms around Voidwalkers waist tightly. 

“Im so s-sorry! I n-never mea-nt for t-this!” Natalie cried out, her face buried into the others shoulder. It hurt so bad, holding the one she loved the most, knowing that it wasnt the same person. And yet? Just having Voidwalker there, gently stroking her back like her Wraith used to do when she woke up from a nightmare, was almost too much. 

Voidwalker didnt say anything for a long while, simple holding onto Natalie as she cried her soul out. She wasnt sure how long they stayed like that, and honestly, she didnt overly mind either. Eventually, Natalies grip started to loosen, prompting Voidwalker to gently release the other, holding onto Nat’s shoulders. The Voidwalker took in Natalies guilty expression, letting out a long, soft sigh. “Dont beat yourself up Natalie. Renee knew what she was doing when she chose your life over hers,” she said softly. “I can honestly say that you meant the world to her. Im glad one of you finally admitted your feelings to the other,” she said, whipping a gloved hand gently under the blondes eye to whip away stray tears. “You were all she’d talk about. It was almost like she no longer cared about finding out who she used to be. Her only concern was you.”

Natalie sniffed, finally meeting Voidwalkers gaze and holding it as the other spoke to her softly. Eventually, she managed a watery smile, giggling softly as she remembered the day that Renee finally asked her out. “Yes… Renee was so nervous when she asked me out,” she said softly, her voice rather hoarse from all the crying. 

Voidwalker rolled her eyes, honestly not surprised. This dimensions Renee had definitely seemed softer compared to most. Yet, before she could say anything else, her bracelet gave a soft chime, telling her that she was able to make another portal. “I need to go Natalie,” she said, the others expression falling, “however… I’ll be back. In six months, like i would have been with Renee here,” she said with a soft smile. 

Natalie’s expression dropped when Voidwalker said she was leaving, silently taking a step back from the other. Yet, when mentioned that she would come back, Natalie smiled softly. “Id like that, thank you..” she said, bracing her hands on the others shoulders and placing a light kiss on her cheek. “Im sorry for this Voidwalker,” Natalie said softly, finally taking a step back and watching as the other woman picked up her helmet. 

“Its no problem Natalie. As i said, she knew what she was doing, and i know she wouldnt have any regrets with her decision,” Voidwalker said, slipping on her helmet with a soft  _ hiss _ as it sealed fully to protect her from the voids chill. Reaching out, a blue portal appeared at the end of her palm, humming softly. “Until next time, Natalie.” She said, giving another glance towards the blonde woman, before stepping into the portal and disappearing back into the void. 

Natalie watched as the Voidwalker stepped into the portal, the swirling blue energy disappearing from existence shortly afterwards. “Until next time, Voidwalker…” she said, looking back at the monitor one more time. Of course, the Voidwalkers visits wouldnt replace her Renee. No one would, but it was nice to have something to look forward to again. “Goodbye Renee,” she said softly towards the monitor before fully turning her back towards the machine. Natalie knew, deep inside, that she would be fine. She knew loss and has gotten through it. She had a family now, to help her in her time of need. It will certainly take some time but… she’ll be alright. Besides, Renee was still watching over her. In her heart she knew that. 

With that thought in mind, Natalie made her way out of the Labs to head back towards the Airbase where a dropship would be waiting for her. The sun was starting to sink low into the sky, just touching the horizon when she made it back to Airbase, hearing the soft whirring of an engine. 

“There ya are Nat! What took ya so long darlin’?” a familiar voice spoke up from the open bay of the dropship, catching the blondes attention instantly. 

“Ajay?” Natalie called softly, actually lifting her gaze towards the dropship. What she saw, caused her eyes to start watering again, but for a different reason than despair. Waiting on the dropship was almost all of the Legends, lined up and waiting for her. Her gaze scanned those before her, seeing Ajay, Bloodhound, Tae, Elliot, Anita, Makoa, and Octavio waiting for her. “Im home,” she said softly walking the rest of the way to the dropship. 

It may take some time for her heart to heal, and that was alright. Yet, there was no denying that right here, with everyone, was her home. Without Renee it wouldnt quite be the same, but… it was still home to her. “Im home…” 

**Author's Note:**

> French brought to you by Google Translate and confirmed correct by a French friend of mine <3
> 
> Ressaisis-toi: meaning something to "take ahold of yourself" but stronger


End file.
